It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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