it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize