I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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