Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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