I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize