I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
