Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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