I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Found your dick twin last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"