dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.