Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just invented taco cereal.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him