I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.