Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week