dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize