we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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