1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said her name was "party"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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