I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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