apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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