Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
