i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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