Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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