my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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