so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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