I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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