he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize