Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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