look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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