running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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