having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
