He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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