I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize