Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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