where am i from again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize