there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
