But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize