I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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