After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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