I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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