It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
