Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
