It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
