i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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