pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
