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i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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