I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....