I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.