I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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