Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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