who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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