That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can text with my tongue
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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