I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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