The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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