my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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