I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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