We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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