So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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