My hand turned me down
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
