I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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