New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize